You had a dream last night that you were Flushed for The Object and that he drove you to school in a Cherry Red convertible and it was very Surreal.
The Conversation seen in => Faint continued, and you decide to Reproduce the rest of the conversation starting with where you left off in the above mentioned post ("[RS]: Seriously, man. You have no idea how happy this is making me. Like seriously. TEARS OF ANGRY JOY, MAN. Seriously. ")
You decide to not warn your readers about the Incoming Wall Of Text because fuck them and because you are pretty sure no one reads this anyway but what the fuck ever.
[TO] The biggest problem I can see with this blog is that some of those of us who care what you have to say don't know where it is.
[TO] Also, in my experience, people tend to be alive after one admits one's feelings for them. Js.
[RS] But that just means I don't have to censor myself for fear of saying something mildly offensive.
[RS] Also, I've only ever had feelings for one other person in my entire life and they were actually pretty platonic, all things considered, so I wouldn't know. All I have to go off of is this pile of shitty vampire romance novels- lot of good those do.
[TO] A good first step is letting whoever it is know that you like them. This is best done subtlely. You can hang around whoever it is and try to talk to them, you
[TO] Could try to be exceptionally nice to them, you could drop a bunch of compliments for them in normal conversation... Or, most fun of all, if you go to school
[TO] With them you could leave notes in their locker. That might seem creepy, though
[RS] I unno, man. It all seems pretty complicated, especially when you work in the different levels of black and red- you could end up with a crappy maroon color, y'know? No one wants that.
[RS] If I'm being perfectly honest I'm very much an avoider. That's probably why the black feelings are there in the first place- avoid and brood, avoid and brood, avoid and brood, that's what I do.
[TO] Black for the burnt offerings and red for the sacrificed virgin's blood? I understand this not.
[TO] It's complicated, but it's worth it, expesially if you find the
[TO] Find a good person to go out with. Trust me on this.
[RS] I unno. There's too many variables. I'm not exactly the type to be brimming with self-confidence and all that jazz, plus there's the fear of rejection, which if my red feelings were ever rejected, they'd be turning a justified black quicker than you can say double reacharound.
[RS] And then, what if you have a black crush and a red crush at the same time, and you can't bother explaining all the colors, and everything gets taken all the wrong way, y'know?
[TO] I still think you should burn some offerings.
[TO] As someone who's dealt with my fair share of rejection, you're never as hurt by it as you expect to be. The first time is the worst, but then you get used to it. I think that there's a container somewhere to hold all your rejection. At first it's small but then you get rejected and the container is forced open faster than it can handle, thus the hurt. After you get over it the container shrinks down a little, but not all the way. The next time you get rejected it hurts less because the container stretches lass, so on and so forth. That may or may not be helpful.
[TO] I really think you should tell him. Sure, there's the chance he'll reject you, but even if he does at least you won't constantly be worrying about it. You're a great person, Rei, and you're plenty of fun to be around. If you can show this to whoever it is before you tell him, build up some goodwill and all that, then he's considerably less likely to reject you. You can't wait too long, though, or you'll miss your chance and feel all depressed thinking of what might've been. You can hide in yourself your whole life, never knowing how amazing people can be, or you could go out and try to find out for yourself. Sure, you'll mess up sometimes and be rejected sometimes, but eventually you'll be so jaded that you can shrug that stuff off.
[RS] But see, what if it just makes a frienship awkward? And also, how do you explain the whole ♠ thing? Like "I HATE YOU, BUT IT IS JUST MISPLACED RAGE THAT YOU ARE UNDESERVING OF AND I AM SORRY AND STUFF? LET'S GO OUT?"
[RS] How can that work? I cannot see that working.
[TO] Seems to me that the first step is to come to terms with your rage and forgive him for whatever it is he didn't do. If you can't figure out how to do that, I actually think that it would be fine were you to say that to him, minus the "let's go out part" (you don't want to shock him too badly). If he's as cool a guy as i think he is, he'll find it in his heart to forgive you, too. You'll definitely need to deal with your rage, though, one way or another. Reaching out to people is oddly healing.
[RS] I mean, I already sorta did that, not to him or anything, but like inside. Sometimes it just feels so good to be angry, and I know that's not exactly healthy, but often times it gets unfairly directed at people I like in a shitty sorta self-destructive hate-love, usually without them knowing, because I really don't like having to explain self-destructive hate love and I don't wanna like burn bridges or anything.
[RS] And my panic attacks are like getting worse, so I don't wanna say or do something stupid, and then have a panic attack right after to make him feel bad or anything, y'know?
[TO] Ah, the power of harboring within you that destructive power... How glorious it can be! Just think, if need be you can summon forth the rage, spiking your adrenaline, strengthening your muscles until you could throw an SUV as if it were a leaf. Holding the anger, holding the destruction it represents, can be quite fun, but the strength it gives you is a false one. The power that comes from all-out rage is like a candle compared to the ocean of healing that can come from one's friends. You just have to learn to open up and to trust that someone else can help you vanquish your misbegotten feelings in favor of a peace of mind greater than any star.
[TO] You'll say stupid things. You'll do stupid things. That's just the way it is. What you have to realize, though, is that when things work out with you and whoever that you'll be able to look back and laugh at these stupid things. Chances are, it'll bring you two closer together. you can't let a fear of messing up hold you back, though, because you will mess up. The goodwill that can come from a healthy relationship outweighs the embarrassment you may have from messing up a hundred times over, though.
[TO] Sadly, I can give you no help with your panic attacks, except to look for what's causing them and deal with that before trying to combat your panic head-on.
[RS] Know from experience?
[TO] About the anger and stupid things? yeah.
[RS] good will from a healthy relationship.
[TO] Yes. I can say from experience that it is far better to be good friends with just one person than to sit around brooding. Bring in two people and you can almost take whatever life throws your way. Three good friends? You're invincible.
[RS] You ever had unrequited red feelings? jw
[TO] Assuming that "red feelings" means having a crush on someone (not wanting to sacrifice them), then yes. I'd say that for about 50% of my crushes I was too shy to come out and say it, or when I did say it my feelings never came to anything. Mostly, though, the girl politely tells me that she's not interested. One girl, TWILIGHT SPORKLE, I had a crush on freshman year. I decided to tell her so by making a purple heart (purple was her favorite color) in MS Excel by highlighting each grid space a different color... I put a lot of work into that thing, then e-mailed it to her. It was a few days before I heard from her again... she asked me what it meant. I think that she was hoping that it didn't mean that I wanted to go out with her, yet it did. Another few days passed, then i finally managed to contact her over FB chat... she told me that I was a nice guy and all, but she wanted to stay friends. I said that I understood. We haven't spoken since. I could give you all their stories, but they're all the same. They'd only serve to bore you.
[RS] Red feelings have very little to do with sacrifice. That'd be leaning more towards black. Anything ever work out?
[TO] A little. I was with BELLA for a year and a half. I had some of the best times with her, but she never cared enough to see me more than once a month, and she always got mad at me for the stupidest things. SUZANA would've worked out but she panicked and bailed after the place we were going for our first date had sold out tickets and she didn't have one. Then along came MARYAM, but we never talked so that relationship didn't last for more than a month. She was just annoying, though. Every little thing she did was directed toward making us seem the same. She'd say something, make some joke, then wait for my response before forming her own. She'd express an opinion, and I'd say something contrary to her, and she'd backpedal to make it seem like she agreed with me. The on;y things she said of her own was how amazing I was, which got really old really fast. Things kinda worked out for a few of those, I guess.
It goes without saying that Names have been changed, but the conversation remains largely unedited. After some discussion with your good friend Ned (who would be your Palemate if you hung out more) you come to find that The Object has flushed feelings for a Friend of Ned's and that she has been an Auspistice between him and his flushed affection, who does not Return his feelings.
You thing he would make a good Kismesis but you really are not sure. You do not know how he would handle a relationship, or even if he would be willing to have one with you. You decide that you need some sleep. And to get this whole thing off your mind with some Slash Fiction. God you love Slash Fiction more than you should. It dawns on you that The Object does not even have dark circles under his eyes...
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