=> Faint

So let us face the facts here. You are a total Tool. The kind of Tool who would use Facebook to rant about your shitty life, which really is not all that bad, all things considered. Today is no different. 


You decided, not 5 minutes ago, that you in all your Glory would inform the citizens of your Friend List (all 11 of them) that you now had a blog where you could freely rant about your "SHITTY ♠ CRUSH." 


Now this Shitty ♠ Crush is one you have been coming to terms with for a while. The object of your Black Affections is the former leader of your Dungeons and Douchebags group. You are not very assertive, and thus not good at saying "I would like to be the Goddamn Wizard" and are also not good at roleplaying melee type classes, which is what you always got booted to. So when the object of your Black Affections (henceforth referred to as The Object) was demoted from leader of the Dungeons and Douchebags Society, the new leader asked if you would Be Okay With Leaving.


Something you know very well is that you have Social Anxieties and that even going to a Dungeons and Douchebags meeting was a fucking chore for you, especially when you had frequent Panic Attacks before each one. Being that you are a Spineless Ninny you naturally say "Yeah I'm fine man, whatever" to the new Leader before having the Mother Of All Panic Attacks which is why you now s-s-stutter when you are Freaked The Fuck Out. Anyway, The Object is actually very sweet, and asks you if the New Leader has Exiled you yet, only much more sincerely and nicely and shit. Naturally, you Ignore him, and Delete Your Facebook because as you mentioned earlier, you are a Tool. Eventually, you accepted The Object's friend request because you are not a Total Douche, but you still ignored any inquiries into the whole Dungeons and Douchebags situation.


You quickly filled your wall with Cryptic Rants but you are pretty sure he did not get the intent behind Any Of Them. You would tell him directly how you feel, but you do not really want to hurt him because You Might Be A Little Flushed, but that is Not Really Important. Rationally, you know that The Object is undeserving of your Black Affections, but they are still there.


You have decided to Replicate the exchange below:

[RS]: I do not know why I did not start a blog sooner.   Finally, a place where I can rant about all my shitty problems without having to worry about bothering people. 

[RS]: FINALLY a place where I can rant about MY SHITTY ♠ CRUSH without having to worry about offending said asshat.

[TO]: If he's an asshat, why do you have a rush on him? 

[RS]: Hence the ♠.

[RS]: GOD MY BLOOD BOILS AT THE SIGHT OF HIM AND IT IS ALL MISPLACED RAGE AND AGGRESSION BUT I DO NOT CARE BECAUSE THIS IS IT.

[RS]: THIS IS ME ADMITTING MY SHITTY ♠ CRUSH.

[RS]: THERE IT WAS. DID YOU SEE THAT? GOD YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW IRONIC THIS SITUATION IS RIGHT NOW.

[TO]: Your "shity 'spade' crush"?

[RS]: Yeah pretty much. It's like a shitty ♥ crush only filled with hate-love which is best love and it makes me SO ANGRY it's great

[RS]: But the sad part is I can never admit it to said person. It would kill them, I think. BUT AT LEAST I CAN ADMIT IT TO MYSELF NOW. THAT'S FRIGGIN' PROGRESS IF I DO SAY SO MYSELF. 

[RS]: Seriously, man. You have no idea how happy this is making me. Like seriously. TEARS OF ANGRY JOY, MAN. Seriously. 

You realize that the irony in that situation is that you were admitting your Shitty  ♠ Crush to your Shitty ♠ Crush. It is not lost on you.


It suddenly dawns on you that the comment "If he's an asshat, why do you have a [c]rush on him?" could indicate flushed feelings on his part (or at least pale ones) but you push that notion out of your head.